Premarital sex and maturity

Toward the end of high school, I became hypermoralistic. I wouldn’t swear, drink, laugh at dirty jokes, or consider anything sexual. I was influenced by Gandhi and religion, but most was my doing. Some people tried to get through, but I was blind – my main pillar being that premarital relations were wrong.

Years later a therapist told me I needed a girlfriend, and much later I found one. We were in our mid20s, inexperienced, and planning to remain so.

As we slowly became more involved, things that had seemed dirty were special. We made many discoveries, as is the way of young lovers. After dating for eight months we ended up in bed, and it was as natural and wholesome as everything that had proceeded. We continued this way for a year and parted.

It was one of the best things that happened to me. It loosened me up. My black and white mentality mellowed. I could enjoy profanity with the guys, ribald humor, and alcohol in the moderation. I saw responsible sex between mature young adults in a long-term relationship is natural and beneficial. I learned virginity wasn’t the issue but caring naturally and responsibly. Why hadn’t it been explained this way?

Premarital relations didn’t hurt me, they saved me. I don’t know what kind of crank I would have been had I not met her. I hope others out there as narrow as I was and influenced by unnatural beliefs will benefit from this and mature earlier than I did.

Young people today are pulled between our sexdrenched culture and the narrow, sanctimonious far right. There is a responsible, middle ground that is fulfilling, natural, broadening, and vital. Therein lies the key responsibility – a deep, abiding, caring for the other … being tender, vulnerable, selfless, considerate, giving, restrained – things that spell maturity.